(Totally Awesome)Title: Butt Babes In Boyland
Written by: Kage Alan, J.P. Barnaby, T.C. Blue, Shae Connor, Jevocas Green, and Kiernan Kelly
The Blurb: The holidays are a time for visiting with family and friends, and sharing tales of peace, childlike innocence, and good will towards all mankind. These are not those stories. This year, the Butt-thology authors cordially invite you to join them in creating a new tradition.
This holiday season, it’s not just turkeys getting stuffed!
Buy Links: Wilde City Press | ARe | Amazon US
Heya, all! TC Blue here, with a wee peek into the mind of a Butt Babe! *grins*
As some of you may know, this anthology (or butt-thology, as I’ve taken to saying) is the third in a series. The first two (Butt Pirates in Space and Butt Ninjas From Hell) just proved to be so much fun for us, we couldn’t say no when someone, who may or may not have been me (it was me) said something to the effect of “Okay, I have this amazingly awesome title for a holiday book. We should do a butt-thology!” Said person (still me) was fully prepared to write a stand-alone story if the usual suspects — I mean, other authors — weren’t on board, but it took surprisingly little cajoling to talk them into it. (It actually went something like: “We should do this!” *crickets chirping* Then, after a good three seconds or so, “Yes! Let’s do iiiiitttttttttt!” And thus, this third butt-thology was born!)
I must confess that when this nameless author (me) proposed this idea, I had no concept of what my story would be. Or rather, I thought I knew, but as with most of my tales, the eventual finished story bore as much resemblance to my original concept as the Statue of Liberty does to a ragged yurt on a snowy, windblown steppe (which is to say none at all).
That said, I’m quite pleased with my story, For Fox Sake. In fact, I’m including the story blurb and an excerpt at the end of this post! First, though, I want to say…
I truly do love working with the other authors in this book. In fact, we’re friends and have a blast together every time we happen to be in the same place at the same time. Those events are EPIC, by the way, and I’m fairly sure that it’s only through sheer luck (and our ability to hide in plain sight) that we’ve neither been arrested nor managed to destroy the city of Atlantis. I mean Atlanta. In Georgia. Not the “mythical” magical city that sank into the sea millennia ago… which we had nothing to do with. Swear!
Kage, Kiernan, JP, Shae and Java (aka the very talented actor of stage and screen, Jevocas Green) are some of my favorite people, though I wish we all had more opportunity to wreak havoc. I mean “hang out.” Yeah. Hang out.
Fortunately, we’ll have the chance to do just that this coming Spring, so if you hear anything about sudden, spontaneous orgies occurring throughout Atlantis — I mean Atlanta… It’s not our fault. Nope. Not even a little. It has nothing at all to do with us or the next butt-thology, coming (no pun intended) soon!
And now for that story blurb (not to be confused with the blurb for the whole butt-thology, because much as I hate to admit it, not everything is about me-me-me!) for my contribution, For Fox Sake!
Nick’s not the kind of guy to overthink things, but when his ex appears after years of being gone-as-though-he-never-was, he can’t help wanting know what’s going on. He also can’t help being angry at Yoshi for ever leaving… and for coming back. But Yoshi’s not quite the guy Nick remembers, which doesn’t make things any easier, no matter how much Yoshi wants to run-run-run. Nick doesn’t want to care, but he can’t help it… because even though Nick may be the black sheep of his family, that doesn’t mean he’s entirely baaa-d.
Yoshi’s life has been a giant ball of misery for far too long. When he manages to create the opportunity to escape, he takes it. Unfortunately, things don’t go quite as well as he’d dared to hope. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the way the oddly familiar Nick and Nick’s friends are trying to help him, but he doesn’t know them, no matter how much they seem to think otherwise. Between someone clearly out to get him, and his own paranoia and fear, who can a guy trust?
Not the too-good-to-be-true Nick Klass, that’s for sure. No matter how much Yoshi wants to do just that. It’s a risk he just can’t take… isn’t it?
And for those who are interested, here’s a bit of an excerpt from the story!
Nick didn’t wait for Pol to go first, though he should have. He was sure to hear about that later, and deservedly so. Making sure Nick didn’t do anything monumentally stupid—like running into a dark alley where something bad was happening without even checking to see what the situation might be—was part of Pol’s job. Even so, Nick would be damned if he was going to stand out on the street and let Pol, and possibly Jeff, take all the risk. Or all the damage, if it came to that. Thus, he stormed into the alley, ready for anything. Anything but what he found there.
He wasn’t the only one, judging by the sudden unrestrained laughter that left Pol. Not that Nick could blame him. He was hard pressed not to indulge in a fair bit of excessive merriment himself. It wasn’t every day that he expected the worst, only to be surprised by…
“Cats. Really? You’re chiming like an entire symphony because of a few cats?” Okay, Nick was laughing. So what?
Jeff glared but didn’t stop the muttering Nick was only just noticing. It was Pol’s suddenly anxious observation that “It looks more like a few hundred, Nick. And is that a boot?” that forced Nick to look more closely.
Nick followed the direction of Pol’s pointing and frowned, his own laughter vanishing almost as quickly as Pol’s had. “Oh, hell.” It was a boot, all right. More specifically, it was a black boot with a toe that would have been pointy if it hadn’t been squared off at the tip. Nick owned a pair like that, though he rarely wore them anymore. They’d been out of style for years, and while he wasn’t a slave to fashion, he did stay on top of what was in and out. It would never do to attend a meeting wearing anything that might imply he was struggling to make ends meet, and those boots would definitely announce just that. Which had nothing to do with the boot sticking out from under the pile of cats.
“I don’t think it’s just a boot,” Nick said when the boot moved, seemingly on its own. “I’m pretty sure it’s attached to a person.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would a person be rolling around in an alley under a giant pile of cats?” Pol sounded just as baffled as he looked when Nick glanced his way. “That would be insane. And really unsanitary.” His face screwed up into what Nick privately called Pol’s ick-face.
“Well, it makes more sense than Jeff standing in an alley trying to chant a bunch of cats into submission for fun, right?” Pol wasn’t an idiot. Nick had to remind himself of that at least once a week, but it was true. Pol just wasn’t very good at making leaps of logic on the fly. He had too many things going on in his head that were connected with his job: watching every angle, keeping track of who was where, coordinating transportationtravel and lodgings when they traveled…keeping an eye on Jeff without seeming to be keeping an eye on Jeff, which wasn’t really part of Pol’s job, but still. Poor Pol had to be exhausted. Throw something like a writhing pile of cats and a boot at him, and Pol saw just that. Cats and a boot. He tended to be a fair bit literal when focused on something other than what was right in front of him.
Pol frowned but nodded after a moment. “I guess so. Let’s get whoever it is out from under all that pussy.”
Yeah, there was a reason Pol was on permanent guard duty instead of dealing with customers, as Nick had discovered the one and only time Pol had filled in with the customer service department. That last sentence pretty much summed it up.
“Feel free.” Nick couldn’t help grinning as Pol stepped forward to try just that. He caught Jeff glaring at him, even while the chanting continued, but Nick couldn’t quite bring himself to feel guilty. Not even while his eyes finished adjusting to the dimness provided by the one bare bulb above what was clearly a back door onto the alleyway and he saw the bloody, half-healed scratches on Jeff’s arms and face. Instead, he found his earlier mirth returning as Pol waded in.
“Come on, pussies, leave the nice person alone, okay?” Pol sounded like the kindest, gentlest voice of reason ever. Coaxing and soothing were plainright there in his voice, right up until he tried to lift the closest cat from the writhing pile. Then the sweetly calm tone changed dramatically.
“Hey! Stop that! Ow! Don’t bite, I’m only—Ow! I’m trying to hel— Ow, damn it! I’m gonna kill you and make—Ow! Gods! Stop that, damn it! Slippers! I’m gonna make you into fuzzy slipp—Ow!”
Yeah, there was zero chance of Nick being able to catch his breath soon.
Pol finally admitted defeat and moved away from the big mound of squirming cats, saying “Ow, damn it! Those pussies have teeth! And claws too! Sharp ones!”
So, who am I, anyway? Well…
Contrary to popular opinion, T.C. Blue was not raised by wolves. Nor did she spring, fully formed, from the forehead of a god, instead entering the world in the usual manner.
A true jack of all trades and master of none (otherwise known as flighty and unable to make a decision and stick with it), she currently resides near the east coast where she does her best to avoid politics and religions as a general rule.
T.C. can usually be found sitting in front of her computer, trying to wrangle rabid and numerous plot bunnies, though her muses insist that she not be too hard on the poor little fluffy things. (Poor little fluffy things with sharp teeth and claws, but whatever. Muses don’t seem to care much about the possible bloodshed if the bunnies think T.C.’s not writing quickly enough.)
Butt Pirates in Space? how did I miss that. Added all the anthologies to my wish list. Thank you!
I thought you did a lovely job with this, Tis. =) It made me laugh.