Please join us in welcoming author SJD Peterson today to chat about the C word (condoms) and her new book, Bound. She’s also offering one winner the chance to win an ecopy of the book, so be sure to check out the details.
Good luck!
To Condom or Not to Condom, That Is the Question
Someone reading Bound sent me a message and pointed out that they didn’t understand, first, why an established couple in a monogamous relationship would use condoms? Second, they pointed out that Tek & Jamie sometimes used condoms and other times they didn’t. Well….I’m not sure how to respond other than, it made sense to me at the time and still does. I have been in a monogamous relationship for over two years, I damn sure can’t get pregnant, we are both clean, but as a rule we tend to use condoms—easy clean up. Sometimes, however, during those moments of intense passion, condoms aren’t always high on the priority list. (TMI?)
Anyway, it got me thinking about condom use in fiction. Shouldn’t it mimic real life? The majority of my characters are flawed, sometimes they make stupid choices, but honestly, I don’t think Tek & Jamie are stupid for foregoing a condom once in a while, and I’m not about to judge them for their preference in using them (Pot calling the kettle black).
Here’s the thing, I write romantic erotica, which means I write about sex, a lot of sex. I admit I have a problem writing about condoms in a book during sex scenes. Editors point it out when I don’t use them, some readers get upset with me if I don’t include them, and still other readers get upset when I do use them. It’s really a no win situation. *Sigh*
I wish there was a way in which readers could just add one or take one away based on their preference. However, since no such device exists, I’ll have to continue doing the best I can and write what feels right for the story. Personally, I don’t mind leaving the whole process of rolling on the condom, slicking up, blah blah blah out of a scene, but I know others do and I try to be sensitive to that. What bothers me most is when the condom magically appears out of thin air.
The bottom line is, sometimes I write about guys who use condoms, guys who don’t use them, and sometimes about guys who, once in a while, can’t remember where they put the damn thing. What about you? Do you think condoms are necessary in every sex scene?
The Giveaway: Tell me what you think and I’ll pick one random winner to receive an ebook copy of Bound.
THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Blurb: Tek Cain & Jamie Ryan work at the Guards of Folsom BDSM club. After two years on the run from their old motorcycle club and the Feds, Tek & Jamie are finally able to relax and enjoy their new life in New York City. But the past won’t stay buried, and when the MC resurfaces, it’s Jamie who pays the price. Tek and the rest of the members at the Guards of Folsom must work together to get back one of their own.
In this, the final installment in the Guards of Folsom series, everyone must come together, bound as one in their quest to find Jamie and bring him home once and for all.
Buy Link: Dreamspinner Press || Series Link: Dreamspinner Press
Meet Jo Peterson: SJD Peterson, better known as Jo, hails from Michigan. Not the best place to live for someone who hates the cold and snow. When not reading or writing, Jo can be found close to the heater checking out NHL stats and watching the Red Wings kick a little butt. Can’t cook, misses the clothes hamper nine out of ten tries, but is handy with power tools.
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The Novel Approach Reviews 
Well, that’s a tricky question. I guess it is a matter of preferences… My own opinion, because that’s my preference in real life, in a monogamic relationship where both partners know they are clean I think they are not necessary. But I tend to get upset if I read about random hookups and they do not wear condoms. That’s really dangerous, something I would avoid and tends to make me nervous to read about it. Although I know many people who prefer the risk to having to use condoms so… As I said, it is a matter of preferences.
Congratulations on the new release, Jo. The book sounds great!
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I think sometimes we are able to accept something in fiction that we don’t in real life. Having said that, I definitely prefer to see two people (who are not in a monogamous committed relationship) at least discuss the use of a condom, and if they forget to use one, express that they thought about the consequences. Because it does pull me out of the story sometimes when I see that characters who don’t use a condom, especially with random strangers.
All that being said, congrats on finishing a series!
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In an established couple, I don’t mind them disappearing. In fact, there a lot of times in a book that it can be written to be really hot that they didn’t use one. I also understand using them – you’re right, it’s a lot easier to clean up. :-) In books, I tend to suspend reality…it’s why I read, to get away from real life. There are going to be times when people in real life forget them, so why not in books? I understand the frustration as a writer though. I’ve seen people complain both ways like you said. I think it’s the writer’s choice (or their characters if they are talkers), just like it is for people in real life.
Congratulations on the new book! It looks fabulous!
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So now Tek and Jamie are an established, monogamous couple, I don’t see what the big deal is. If they generally want less hassle with clean up afterwards but can’t easily access condoms during”spur of vthe moment” sex, then it makes sense to me that at times they would use them and others not.
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Either way is good for me as long as it’s not a whole drawn out process to get one on. Couples who sometimes do and sometimes don’t? That’s their choice and as a reader, I don’t think my opinion matters because if they were real life people, I’m not in their bedroom, or playroom, or whatever room they’re sexing it up in. I always feel like I’m reading about other people, since I am, and as such, they’re giving me their experience and it’s not my place to judge how they choose to engage. I certainly don’t want anyone in my bedroom telling me how to have sex. So I appreciate your situation, and I love that in your books, you always write what the character would do… they are speaking through you after all.
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I don’t think it’s really necessary if the couple is established and they had gotten tested and know they’re both safe. Otherwise,yes. It doesn’t take a lot to write in a condom, I think. A lot of people learn from reading. I’ve picked up somethings I know now from books and then researching it on my own.
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for a new couple I think you can mention condoms in the first scene or two, and then it can be “assumed” they are using them from that point on unless we are told otherwise. For an established couple they can do what they want once they become monogamous and “clean”
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One of the reasons I read is to escape from reality for a little while. I don’t think the use of condoms makes a difference as long as it doesn’t adversely effect the storyline. I understand your point about the magical appearance it sometimes makes no sense. Thanks for the giveaway. Have a good day.
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I think it’s all about context. If you have a monogamous, long-term couple then I think condoms are simply a matter of choice. If you’re talking about a random hookup, then if it’s in context with the characters to be sensible then condoms should be mentioned.
However, if your characters are not the type to be safe, in context with the story, it would probably be out of character for them to use them, but I think mentioning they are abandoning safe sex deliberately might be worth slipping in because it’s a very important concern even if they’re being dangerous.
I know it’s all fiction, but safe sex is very important, so I am all for dropping in a mention when possible, unless it’s entirely out of the remit of the story, e.g. historically before the safe sex era, or set way in the future etc. As H.B. mentioned above, people learn from reading, so it can’t hurt to put in a reference if you don’t have to crowbar it in.
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Hi, Tasha, your name was just selected as the winner of Jo’s giveaway. I’ve emailed her with your contact information, so expect to hear from her soon. :)
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Doesn’t really matter to me either way, not in books anyway. The reason is this, when I read a book, 99.9% of the time, it is fiction and I know it’s fiction, so it doesn’t really matter. Now, saying that, I also know that a lot of people read these and other books, trying to learn from them and that’s not a bad thing, but it’s also not a completely good thing either, because as I said, it is fiction.
In real life, I do encourage my young friends, both gay and straight, to use condoms, even though a few of the gay friends are on prep. For those who don’t know what that is, look up truvada, it is to help keep people whodont have HIV, from getting it. A lot of them go with it, thinking, “oh, I don’t have to use a condom anymore now”. Yes, it is an HIV preventive, but that’s all it is. It does not in any way protect against ant other sexually transmitted disease. Therefore, a condom still should be used with random hookups.
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I generally prefer for there to be a discussion at some point between the characters (or mention of a discussion) because what is important about safe sex is that discussion. That said, I also think there’s a disproportionate expectation on gay men to be safe that is not applied in the same way to straight sex. I have had to revise books for a publisher because I had the unsafe sex come before a discussion about consequences, and honestly I felt it gave a better safe sex message with the characters being a little terrified as they went to get tested rather than being safe in the heat of the moment as college students at 4 in the morning. Bottom line, the condom usage or the lack of it should line up with the characters. What would they do?
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It depends for me as well. If it’s the first few times they’ve ever been together???? Mostly yes I like seeing that responsibility written into the scene. An established couple??? I don’t really have a preference, but I agree with you that sometimes it’s easier clean up in real life to use one.
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