Title: In the Absence of Light
Author: Adrienne Wilder
Publisher: Self-Published/Kindle Unlimited
Length: 261 Pages
Category: Contemporary
At a Glance: In the Absence of Light is a carefully balanced story which exudes compassion and love, wrapped up in a compelling plot that keeps you on the edge of your seat.
Reviewed By: Sammy
Blurb: For years Grant Kessler has smuggled goods from one end of the world to the next. When business turns in a direction Grant isn’t willing to follow he decides to retire and by all appearances he settles down in a nowhere town called Durstrand. But his real plan is to wait a few years and let the FBI lose interest, then move on to the distant coastal life he’s always dreamed of.
Severely autistic, Morgan cannot look people in the eye, tell left from right, and has uncontrolled tics. Yet he’s beaten every obstacle life has thrown his way. And when Grant Kessler moves into town Morgan isn’t a bit shy in letting the man know how much he wants him.
While the attraction is mutual, Grant pushes Morgan away. Like the rest of the world he can’t see past Morgan’s odd behaviors
Then Morgan shows Grant how light lets you see but it also leaves you blind. And once Grant opens his eyes, he loses his heart to the beautiful enigma of a man who changes the course of his life.
Review: I had seen this book a while ago, and was captivated by the blurb. When In the Absence of Light came up for review, I eagerly snatched it up, knowing full well that my previous experience with this author was an incredibly moving and often harrowing time. Harrowing because the characters this author crafts are very complex, with some throat-clenching pasts that often come back to rear their ugly and violent heads, just when said character is starting to make a happier new life with someone they could love. The stories of Morgan and Grant are no different.
What makes this novel even more fascinating is that Morgan is written as a high functioning man on the autism spectrum. Now, as a teacher who has taught a few kids with Asperger’s, I can assure you that the way in which Morgan functions is very realistic. I was once told when you meet one child with autism, you’ve met ONE child. Each is different and each has their own unique view of the world and their own level of functionality when it comes to handling the disorder. I mentioned earlier the idea of the autism spectrum, and that’s important to understand as there are many, many variations, levels and diagnoses under the spectrum. If you are unaware of how diverse the needs and abilities of a diagnosed autistic person can be, I suggest you park any of those notions at the door before reading this novel.
Morgan is not an unrealistic character. Quite the contrary, I have taught younger versions of him in my career, and can honestly say that I really admire how Adrienne Wilder treated this character with love, honesty and respect. I thought it important to point this out in order to give those readers unfamiliar with autism a bit of perspective prior to reading my review, and I thank you for indulging my views. Now, on to the review.
Grant isn’t hiding, exactly, but he is quietly retired from an import/export business that skirted the legal side of the law and landed him under FBI scrutiny. It didn’t help that the man he had fallen in love with was, in actuality, an undercover agent who was placed in Grant’s life for the purpose of bringing him and his business down. Now living in the small town of Durstrand, Grant is biding his time (three years to be exact) until he can access his offshore fortune and live by the sea as he’s planned to do for so long. But the FBI is hungry to get his client list, and that is something Grant will never willingly divulge—unless he is threatened beyond any means of escape. To have that happen he must be vulnerable, something the man has guarded against religiously… Until he meets Morgan.
Morgan is the epitome of the phrase things are not always as they appear. The man seems to be autistic—a low functioning person with limited intelligence and visible spasms that include fluttering hands, vacant stares and the occasional rocking motion, to name a few. However, Morgan is so much more than his physical tics would imply, and his emotional stability and intelligence quotient are far above what most “normal” folks have. He is an artist with an almost scary ability to read people and their motivations. Much like a human lie detector, Morgan can catch a lie quicker than most can tie their shoes—a task that still escapes him.
He is also a fully functioning, sexual man who knows what he wants, how to get it, and lives independently despite the odds against him. But Morgan also has his moments of panic where he withdrawals from everyone and everything in order to cope. These “away times” are normally short-lived, and a sudden harsh noise, like a whistle, can bring him back. Only once did Morgan nearly succumb to being trapped in that lonely, vacant place where communication with others was not possible. It was after a trauma so severe that the memory of it can still send him reeling out of control. As a coping mechanism, Morgan orders his life in an exacting way, from the placement of objects in his home, or the arrangement of his dinner plate, to keeping his art private for none but him to see. He never lets anyone in, trusting no one with his heart until he meets Grant. But Grant brings danger to the quiet town of Durstrand, and to Morgan himself, but that risk is something both men discover they will have to live with in order to have each other.
To comment that both Morgan and Grant are multi-layered characters would be an understatement. The emotional revelations that happen in this novel are hard-won and incredibly wrenching, but they bring such sweet relief to both men. Like any trial we go through, both Morgan and Grant must learn what it is to trust again after being deeply wounded by their exes. For Grant that also means dispelling any notions he has about Morgan being “different” or fragile, unable to cope. He stumbles and falls quite regularly when it comes to adjusting to how Morgan moves through life, but when he is able to see how incredibly beautiful and special Morgan is, then the trust he so desperately needs to extend is easier to give.
For Morgan, learning to believe that Grant will not hurt him, abandon him or use him as only a sexual escape for the three years he has admitted he is willing to stay in town, comes at a great price. It means being vulnerable in a way that nearly killed him in his previous relationship, and that terrifies him and threatens the well-ordered existence he has created in order to cope with past trauma. It also means educating Grant on what it’s like to view the world differently, as Morgan’s autism calls for, and that is a challenge all on its own. But somehow, through stumbles and falls, these two men make it. At times it is sizzling to watch, as their moments of intimacy are white hot and passionate. At other times it plows right through your heart, leaving you gutted as you begin to understand all that Morgan has had to endure and yet still be able to be a loving and caring man.
This novel—it is just breathtaking. It pulls you into a world where fragments of light far outweigh the dark. It does not apologize for the moments of pain and anguish both men must suffer, but surrounds them with equal portions of beauty and grace. Author Adrienne Wilder never shies away from delivering a story that bursts with action, pathos and delightful flashes of humor. In the Absence of Light is a carefully balanced story which exudes compassion and love, wrapped up in a compelling plot that keeps you on the edge of your seat. I can only end this review with the highest praise and recommendation. It is a story that solidifies the idea that Adrienne Wilder will be an auto-buy novelist for me from now on.
You can buy In the Absence of Light here:
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