Review: Sentenced to Christmas by Marshall Thornton

Title: Sentenced to Christmas

Author: Marshall Thornton

Length: 256 Pages

Category: Dark Comedy

Rating: 4 Stars

At a Glance: Your expectations should be set accordingly should you decide to give Sentenced to Christmas a try. It’s worth reading if you like dark comedy, but not if you’re looking for something along the lines of a conventional Holiday romance.

Reviewed By: Lisa

Blurb: When gay activist Gage Hammond is accused of burning down a patriotic Christmas tree that stands in front of a conservative radio station, the judge sentences him to learn the true meaning of Christmas: Hammond must join buttoned-up prosecutor Cal Cutler and his family for the holiday. There’s just one problem—okay, maybe a lot of problems. But at the top of the list: Cal’s in the closet and it’s not even his family!

Review: Gage Hammond isn’t merely accused of burning down the Christmas tree in front of a radio station, he confesses to the crime, which leaves the conservative host of a right-wing talk show free and clear to declare that there’s a War on Christmas!!! Seriously, the dog whistles. And obviously, Gage should be made an example of so all the woke liberals know there are punitive consequences for their contempt of good old-fashioned traditional values. The performative outrage would be laughable if it weren’t so nauseating, and of course, it’s also an opportunity for said host to raise money off this travesty. After all, what would some manufactured self-righteous fury be without a little grift on the side?

A blatantly partisan judge presiding over the case is what was needed to make this collage of calamity happen, when he all but declares Gage guilty but is willing to delay his ruling in lieu of Gage spending the holiday with prosecutor Cal Cutler’s family. Gage must then reappear before the court after Christmas, to define the holiday’s true meaning (hint: “peace on earth, goodwill toward men” isn’t the answer the judge is looking for). The fun part—in a pitiful sort of way—is that it cannot be understated how little truth is happening in Cal’s life. Fake marriage, fake family, fake heterosexuality—Cal’s life is a lie. That’s when Marshall Thornton throws everything at this story, including what should be over-the-top extreme but is more a case of this being the world in which we now live, and it is farcical.

Satire is alive and well and thriving in Sentenced to Christmas, an off-the-wall forced proximity holiday story that lobs plenty of dark humor at a post-irony circus of a tale. If you don’t find humor in poking fun at extremism, this might not be the book for you. When I say—hypothetically, of course!—that I wanted to shiv a bitch every time Mary Ann’s mother (Cal’s fake mother-in-law) opened her mouth, you’ll get where this story went. Every word she uttered was not merely obtuse but despicable too. On the opposite extreme is Gage’s ultra-liberal, conspiracy-theory-embracing father, so no side is left un-poked in this book. Thornton pushes things to the Nth degree to elicit a reaction, whether that’s for the better or the worse. The answer is he succeeds.

I do, however, disagree with this story being categorized as a Rom-Com/Romance novel, not the comedy part but the romantic. This book isn’t romantic; it’s not a romance by even my loosest understanding of the genre. It’s an opposites attract story; it’s a forced proximity story; enemies-to-lovers is a bit of a stretch, but Cal and Gage do end up together in the end. Which means your expectations should be set accordingly should you decide to give the book a go. It’s worth it, just not if you’re looking for something along the lines of a conventional Holiday romance.

You can buy Sentenced to Christmas here:
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